Confession

Blog – 4-24-19 Hope you all had a beautiful Easter celebrating our risen Savior! I have a confession to make. I was in a battle last week. It was ugly. It was hard. It was silly. And the battle was where most of our battles take place, in my mind. I was feeling slighted about a situation, and my feelings got hurt. Insecurity quickly started taking over because, bottom line, I wasn’t feeling valued. I was feeling like I wasn’t “good enough” once again. As I dug deeper into what was triggering my feelings, however, I realized that underneath my hurt feelings was a whole lot of pride and ego getting the best of me. Let’s just say it wasn’t my proudest moment. As I wrestled with my thoughts, honestly, I felt like I was 10 years old again. My head knew that what I was feeling was ridiculous and I needed to stop sinking into the pit, but I couldn’t stop how I was feeling. Feelings are like that. They come whether we like them or not, and it can feel impossible to find a way to make them back down. They simply don’t listen to us sometimes! And to make things even worse, I felt intense shame that I was letting my pride and “it’s all about me” get the best of me. So there I was, feeling sorry for myself, battling to “just get over it,” and losing with every single step. I had faced this same battle before, and here I was crying out to God yet again, wondering why I couldn’t simply change this about myself. Why couldn’t I get over this issue that has plagued me for so long? And then I heard God whisper to my soul, “Quit trying to change it on your own. Ask the Holy Spirit to change what you can’t.” Wow! That was it! That’s exactly what my weary heart needed to hear. I didn’t have to do the work by myself. The Spirit was willing and able to help me in my battle. I simply needed to ask. Reality is, there are certain things I can’t change about myself. I can’t wave a magic wand and make them go away, and neither can you. Some things are simply etched too deeply in our souls. But, and this is a HUGE but, the Holy Spirit can and will do the changing for us……when we let him! I’m reminded of Paul’s confession in Romans 7:15 where he says,“ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Isn’t that the truth! We all suffer from the same dilemma. We know better, we really do, but we end up doing the exact thing we say we hate. We say we will do better next time, and we absolutely mean it, but then we find ourselves in the same old pit. I want to encourage you, there is help for you. I’m happy to report that once I started praying that prayer, “Holy Spirit, change what I can’t,” the Spirit immediately went to work. The hurt I was feeling started to diminish, and I felt the battle instantly lose its hold on me. I was able to go into the situation that I felt hurt about and truly enjoy it. This experience gave me a renewed hope as I realized that I may not ever be able to stop my pride and ego from rearing their ugly heads, but when they do, I’ve got a friend with me in the battle. I’m not in it alone. What battles do you face? What issues come up for you again and again? What do you do that you don’t want to do? Whatever that is for you, my friend, I encourage you to remember that you are not in the battle alone. If you have tried and tried to overcome it but have been unsuccessful, take heart! The Holy Spirit is ready and willing to come alongside you and change what you can’t. Simply ask! Hugs and love, Jill

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