Blog – 8-14-19
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In July, I went to Dallas with Women of Faith where we had some meetings with extraordinary women who have dedicated their lives to ministry, Thelma Wells and June Hunt. It was a power-packed weekend, and I felt blessed to be in the presence of “Lady Wisdom” as Proverbs talks about:
You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom,
when you make friends with Madame Insight.
She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her.
Hold her tight—and be blessed!
Proverbs 3:13-14 (MSG)
When I got home, I knew I needed to spend time to discern what Lady Wisdom was saying to me through these amazing women of faith.
I nestled into my favorite spot at Trinity Heights, literally at the feet of Jesus, and started unpacking all that I had experienced. My head was swimming, and I felt a little overwhelmed by it all. I kept asking, “God, what is your word for me in all of this? What am I supposed to take away from this incredibly anointed experience?”
As I sat there, a butterfly flittered around me and then landed on my shoe. I have been to this spot hundreds of times, and I have NEVER had a butterfly land on me. Those of you who have known me a while know my history with butterflies!
The butterfly then landed on my journal and then on the bench beside me. Obviously, I was supposed to pay attention to this little gift! I watched in awe as the butterfly went to the ledge that the statue of Jesus sits on and stood right in front of Jesus, facing him, as it gently opened and closed its wings. It looked like it was literally worshipping Jesus!
God whispered to my heart, “That butterfly is you, Jill.” I felt a pull to get closer, so I walked up to the butterfly and was within inches from it, yet it didn’t fly away. I kept hearing the words, “Stand firm and worship.” I noticed that the breeze that was blowing was threatening to blow the butterfly off the ledge. You could see it fight against the wind, but it stood firm. It brought to mind all the things in my life lately that have been trying to blow me off course!
As I continued to watch this butterfly, I noticed that it was continually trying to get nectar from the pink flecks that were in the granite on the ledge. It kept putting its tongue (which looks like an antennae) into the granite, over and over and over. It took a while for me to notice this, and then once I saw it, I kept asking God what He was trying to tell me. This is so odd. What does it mean?
As I continued watching, God revealed that I’ve been trying to get “fed” in all the wrong places in my life. That butterfly tapping that rock again and again and again, thinking nectar would come out, is like me trying again and again and again to win the approval of people, to “be enough” and “perform” in a way that pleases the world. I remembered June’s wise words to me while we were in Dallas that we live for an audience of One. God was affirming that and showing me I need to get fed from the approval of Him and Him alone.
This has been a very real struggle in my life. As I shared with June, I have been a “performer” my entire life and I’ve become trapped in that mode, trying to please others, comparing myself to others, and never feeling good enough. God showed me so clearly I HAVE to break free from that right now!
I sat down and started writing furiously in my journal all the insights I was getting. As I was writing, the butterfly came and landed on the back of my shoulder! I am NOT making this up! I could see it out of the corner of my eye, and I could feel it walking around on my back. This beautiful little creature stayed on me for about 10 minutes. It was absolutely incredible!
Then (I know, so much!), the wind caused the pages of my bible to turn, and I knew God was inviting me to read where it had opened to. It was the story of Tabitha found in Acts 9 where Peter healed Tabitha, who had died, and brought her back to life. I smiled and realized God was raising me from a spiritual sort of death, raising me out the discouragement that was trying to overwhelm me. It’s hard to put into words how my heart felt, but I felt so much lighter than I have in months and so filled with hope and a renewed sense of purpose.
Then to top things off, as I left I went to sit for a minute by a fountain in the gardens. I have been there tons of times and have never sat in this exact spot. As I walked out, I noticed a plaque that had a picture of a beautiful girl who had died at age 20. The plaque was in memorial to her, and the inscription read, “Just when the caterpillar thought life was over, it became a butterfly.”
God is SO good. God is SO powerful. God is SO wonderful and worthy of our praise!
I encourage you, take time to reflect on those moments when Lady Wisdom speaks into your life. Let the Holy Spirit help you unpack the teaching God has for you.
Hold Lady Wisdom tight and be blessed!
Hugs and love,
Jill